I cannot imagine what you are going through. Iâve already dealt with depression, just not like this. At that time I had been a smoker for at least for 2 year. Everything was going so well until last year. I pay very close attention to my self while driving so I don’t forget to be safe. I am hoping this feeling goes away, as I am older and still want to live out my life. So we had no idea until it was too late! I tried to prepare for her death and the pain of losing her is overwhelming. At least some of my intense anxiety and depression has lifted. In the past I have lost lots of friends, my mother, father and my sister, a few days ago a great friend and a musician I had played in three bands with since 1983 died, his passing has affected me worse than any of the others, I canât get him out of my head, Iâm getting neck pain, headaches and general not feeling good so Iâm now assuming his passing on is the cause. On the 11th March I held her while the Vet administered the injection. People say with time it gets better but I just feel like it’s getting worse sometimes. Iâm only 25 years old and this has had a serious toll on me as of late.. My father passed suddenly with no warning and it has scared me deeply. i had a full slab of ribs plus more and still felt hungry, still quite skinny. I randomly get the chills and my appetite is gone. I can relate so painfully to the experiences you describe, particularly the final hours and saying goodbye at the vet. I just feel crushed and confused because I absolutely love kids. Tiffany December 15, 2018 at 1:17 am Reply. You were a loving, wonderful Son! Thank you so much for writing it. I begged mom to officially move in with me . And can hardly believe that this will ever go away and I will feel normal again. Monday 4/30 I found out one of my friends passed away. !God bless you!!!!! When I was able to get back into a clearer state of mind, I wanted to turn things around for me. Romans 6:23, Romans 10:9,10 , John 3:1-16, Melinda Gray November 30, 2018 at 3:41 pm Reply. He was my best friend, my best bud. Our son was taken to the charity funeral home and dumped like trash. Eventually I had to come home properly when my friend and his family went overseas for a trip. I have a 20-year-old cat also, and at the moment am very concerned, because we know so little of how animals grieve or fear. It was the longest flights ever (I live in NL and my family lives in Jakarta. There is a new normal after the losses but we must go on living to the fullest until it is our time. Be kind to yourself and donât put to much pressure on yourself either. I, too, have had to pass through much sorrow through the deaths of both parents, my brother just older than me, and my baby. My father´s death , on the other hand was a complete blow from nowhere. If you write them off as such, then they will stop happening. I mean, we all knew her death was coming, but even so, your so unprepared when it does. But I’ve been doing a few things that are helping. I feel like my muscles are being eaten away. peter December 22, 2017 at 2:19 pm Reply. But after seeing my beautiful mother’s mangled body, and realizing how desparately she no longer wanted to be alive, all of my emotions flooded to the surface. Itâs only been 10 days but it feels like eternity without him. My husband of 28 years died Nov 8th. I know I could not. I donât want to be here. I should have…….. It was an unexpected shock. I’m getting headaches, sick often, and I only want to stay home… I can’t stand to go out in public… Hate it!! At times i would take chocolate chips for a little sugar. Life is a different normal now and that’s just the way it is. Not only for myself but for my parents and her kids. Cindy Ross May 21, 2019 at 4:05 am Reply, Iâm sorry that so many people are suffering but this seems to be a good forum to discuss our feelings. So idk what to do. Iâm fairly young still and worry about being alone for the rest of my life. I do my daily chores. Iâll always think I should have let Sammy go in January, didnât do enough, decided too soon the second time. After that, it became very clear in my mind, I had to stay alive, for the sake of my father, and his love to me. It became just the two of us for the last 10 years and I put everything I had into giving her whatever she wanted. I’m trying to keep busy with the burden of exhaustion. I miss my sister and I miss talking to her. It took me a long time!!!!! Right now it seems like the floor has dropped away and I’m in a free fall. Last time she went into hospital they found a 4th fracture and infections and brain infection. I donât know if this is all going to fail… but, if I give myself self-love and take care of my mental health, then I know I can get out of this awful state of mind that has been at me for weeks. She was referred to the oncologist and it was determined she had a brain tumour that there was nothing they could do. I have had friends pull away. I just don’t know what to do with my life without him he was my soulmate I feel like a fish without water I can’t breathe I feel like I’m dying without him. Please go see your mom even if she pushes you away… The only thing even more worse than losing someone is losing someone and having regrets. I don’t think I will ever recover. Look forward instead of looking back on the death. Headache that won’t go away, fatigue, not sleeping, absolutely no appetite, daily things become tasks, forgetfulness, thoughts of dying, my anchor to the planet is gone, inability to focus, anxiety, shortness of breath, anger, feelings of being sick, terrible taste in my mouth. ….. everyday feels like some sort of nightmare. I lost my dad a week and and I feel it so deeply. He was diagnosed in October 10 with stage 4 pancreatic cancer after two months of gross misdiagnosis by incompetent doctors. It just takes time to get to that point. I know so because when he was here and I would be sad for any reason or even sick I can see the look on his face of hurt cuz he loved me so much and didn’t want me to hurt. My physical grief gets the best of me too. I’m sad and in pain from my back most of the time and too tired to do much at all. Sometimes i just wish to travel far away and start all over again.It hurts me that no one seems to care or see how much i suffer. It sounds like you were dealing with a very difficult situation when you were a child, and sometimes circumstances are stacked against us and we act in ways we don’t understand until much later. Hi Tammy I have just read your post about your mother being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. My parents are divorced, and Dad is long gone. Physical responses, on the other hand, are an unanticipated and unwanted bonus. I’ve started painting again, a little. That’s what my sister said before she died…”I know it will be normal for you to be sad but don’t stay that way too long. God I wish that was real I would give anything just to talk to him for one minute. Have drs appointment tomorrow about headaches, not sure if Iâve gone back to work too early but feel that now Iâm there I need to see things through and force myself back into the living! One year and eight months ago my mother passed away after a very short stint in the hospital. I can’t seem to remember the 10 years we spent together after I rescued her from the street. Have you tried or considered talking to a counselor? I know she would not want me to be like this but I can’t help it. any good persons have been murdered or died or gone away . Custody battles and so on. Everything u wrote is exactly how I’m feeling right now. Give yourself all the time you need. I came back, still feeling sad, lost and angry. Police did nothing. Though they may be surprised by the intensity or type of emotions they experience, they at least saw them coming. My last words to her were “I love you.” An hour later the hospital called and told me to get up there right away as she had had an embolism on the way to the operation and her last words had been, “Who’ll look after my son?” I sat by her bedside for three days until the doctors sent me home; I wasn’t eating and I’d been in the same clothes for days. I start crying without any notice in office or in a Starbucks line. Now, I feel like I am stuck in constant fatigue. My wonderfully awesome handsome husband passed away on Thanksgiving night. My doctor admonished me that if I didn’t quit, the bronchitis could turn into COPD. I went through every emotion. Marsha November 9, 2017 at 10:21 am Reply. I keep going for my younger daughter but I feel dead inside. Be strong, remember them, shed tears then go out and have a “ME” time also helps, Judy Moxam March 6, 2019 at 5:06 pm Reply. So I’m glad he had her by his side. Linda October 29, 2017 at 1:30 pm Reply. Thereâs an unfathomable physical and emotional response That comes and goes from minute to minute. I hope things improve for you, and that there is hope for me that things will be better with time. is this normal? When I saw him online he looked like he was gaining weight and had depression written all over his face but he sounded ok so I didn’t raise any concern about it at all. 7/22/17, My amazing, brilliant, funny, loving, 44 year old husband took too many sleeping pills, which made him loopy, and shot himself in the head through a pillow lying next to me in bed. He had 2 companions the same age – one of which (Loki) has only ever known life with him and depended on him for guidance since he’s completely deaf. Because she was starved of oxygen for 45 minutes her brain was too damaged. I can relate to your story, having lost my ex partner to alcohol (after me breaking up with him after 12 years), a couple of years ago. From a young age my dad was never really around as he was always ill and never really could be around which meant we didn’t have much of a bond and when I had to stay at his house when I was younger I dreaded it as I couldn’t be away from my mum without actually having a break down so when I eventually had calmed down I would be moody and just be cruel and this must have made my dad feel terrible and thinking about it now makes me feel terrible. My mother commited suicide by hanging just two weeks ago in my grandparent’s bathroom, where we were staying. Lily was my best friend growing up, but over the past several years she became mentally ill- she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, but it seemed like a mixture of that and maybe Bipolar? I made the first batch of tea it taste horrible made me feel no different. Hold on to your memories of your mom and remember the special times you shared. I didn’t want him to suffer, and I’d just let him go, so maybe I did it a little too soon. His passing has brought up a lot of other issues I wasnt prepared for and I fear the future and know I shouldn’t. A little time has passed, so you are getting better, but your loss is real, and I sympathize. Research has also shown this impact on the immune system is most significant in older adults who are grieving. Some days, I can barely walk due to the pain in my joints, especially my hips. When you get a chance you should check out my sister’s website http://www.girlwithascar.com . A week after my brothers death my cousin died from cancer and our aunt died from cancer around the same time. I am just not me. I am crushed with chest pains and I sometimes scream in the car. his alcoholism was a struggle for years but despite all that we loved each other deeply . I am seeing a doctor regarding my medical issues just in case. And I tried everything. She is happily with them I know. I was her caretaker for her last months as she worsened and Iâm glad I did it but somehow I feel itâs made me feel worse, since whenever I close my eyes I see her struggling to breathe. I just miss my baby girl, it hurts so much. Just ask Google about the billions of searches dedicated to phrases like “I have a toothache, am I dying?” In the past, a headache was a headache, but after the devastating loss of a loved one, you are all-to-familiar with the reality that life can turn on a dime. Reading these posts about all these people who have experienced their terrible losses has been really helpful to know we’re all suffering together. I struggled sleeping but was prescribed ativan to put under my tongue for my panic attacks. It’s so scary to feel all of this and you don’t even find posts about the physical effects of grief which makes everything worse. I do not know how people who don’t know the Lord Jesus Christ as their personal savior make it through something like this. I know it’s only 2 weeks since and I have to go through the motions but sometimes I am sideswiped by the dramatic changes in my own personality. We were kids and it tears me apart inside. I don’t have many words of wisdom as I lost my dad 2 weeks ago and I’m struggling. My Daddy was literally everything and then some to me. I tried to comfort him all night because he was too frantic to take in, and the next day when he’d calmed a little I put him to sleep. Iâm so sorry for your loss of your mother. I try to spread faith, goodness and joy these are my spiritual tasks if you will. I keep having memories of us when. I’m wondering if this exhaustion will ever ease up and the joint pains go away. The chemo took its toll & she was so very sick that my stomach has not been the same since her passing a few months ago . I am back at work out of necessity. The other, Jake, was adopted 2 years ago but loved him no less. ” The power of life and death is in the tongue. But when my sister passed the grief that I feel is mostly physical and it is very scary at first, you feel like you’re seriously ill, like something is very bad happening to you which caused me terrible anxiety. My pain does seem to be worse since he passed away. I am sorry for your loss ~ that must have felt/feel very sad to lose two people close to you so soon together. I just can’t believe this is happening! mt trauma is increased because there is so much corruption in my town , psycho abuse is traumatic .there is the shock that there is no-one here to talk to at all, there is no visible worthy angels or guides here this is utterly frightening . Take it a day at a time, see if youâre able to get some counseling or join a bereavement group. But I was expected to smile and be social to put everyone else at ease. I said “WHAT? Ive been in deep grief since 2014. So lately I’ve been having literally ALL of these symptoms, 4 years ago my dad passed away which didn’t really hit me as I was 9 but I was shocked and it made me feel really crappy but over the past year or so I’ve been thinking about it a lot and it’s been really bothering me. I entered panic mode. Know that youâre loved. I hurt so badly I haven’t even been able to drive a car. Simone October 27, 2020 at 6:34 pm Reply. She also started me 5HTP. I also get a strange electrical tingling on the skin of my chest on the left side that I originally thought was my phone vibrating in my pocket until I realized that the phone wasn’t in my pocket. I used to mock the idea of higher intelligence, until I turned to "God"/ "Source"/ "Creator", (whatever was up there and willing to listen) and begged "please don't tell me I'm alone now! I’m seeing this as a recurring theme in some of your posts. Kathy Joyce March 15, 2017 at 7:57 pm Reply. Grief is a tormenting lonely experience. It takes everything in me to submit applications and call places. I’m at the cemetary today because I’m trying to figure things out. I’ve been experiencing a lot of forgetfulness. I lost my father Nov 25, 2019 and my mother Jan 3rd 2020, the very morning after I had buried my father. I believe it was a type of cancer seeing as it runs in the family. And was unable to swallow anything. Besides the emotional grief, I couldnât believe the amount of physical pain I felt. But I’m also sure you will find someone much better suited for you. Tips: Follow suggestions for many of the other physical grief symptoms mentioned above. This doesnât feel normal or natural. Racheal October 22, 2020 at 9:04 pm Reply. I don’t ever get a break, a vacation or a day off. Remember that you mother only wants for you to be happy. I lost her to drugs, my mom was 37 years old. Breathing techniques can be helpful and calming not just with tightness and shortness of breath, but in many difficult and stressful situations. I feel the pain overwhelmed and most of the time feel tire even I sleep a 6-8 hours per night and sometimes afternoon naps. My dad was my best friend. Thereâs this anger still inside of me, the guilt, the âwhat if questionsâ when I was there. Although i do browse these sights and they are helpful because your experience is validated, i found that i have to limit myself because reading the comments can swing me from relief and validation to dispair if i over read more sad stories. I was so relieved to find this post. We had both been somewhat miserable since the passing of my mother (cancer) and seemed to finally be on the right track after we had just closed a great commercial real estate deal. We lived with that death sentence for 4 years, but he was ill for at least 5. I’m sorry to hear about your losses, I lost my mom last year and my dad this January it’s been really hard, I really empathize with you, I have a toy poodle who is like a child to me and I cant imagine losing her during this time. I finally gave up and came home because I was getting so anxious and could feel my chest getting tighter and tighter, along with a massive headache. Two years later Dad died and I was in agony over it – panic attacks, constantly fearful, and just plain heartbroken. It does also affect my focus, memory and I feel like my intelligence. Yes, I eat, I try to eat healthy but I don’t restrict myself. My husband passed away on 12/12/18 (my birthday). Until then, we’ll have to muddle through somehow…”, Alexandra November 4, 2019 at 12:41 pm Reply. May I’m so sorry for your losses. It was sudden and unexpected. I don’t cook, I dont clean, I don’t go anywhere and nobody calls. She was a mom to me. I will honor my husband for the rest of my life. My mother died in September last year and it hit me really hard. I feel horrible, all out of sorts. My Dad died 5 months in Feb 2020 after my brother. Tetra November 3, 2017 at 11:40 am Reply. I donât know if I was just desperate to get out of there because I was no longer in control, or havenât been in control in a long time or what. Its been over 1 years since treatment, i feel great and breath well, Margaret November 29, 2018 at 11:25 am Reply, I came home on Nov. 7, to find my husband on the floor. Now, I don’t really care about anything. Everyone knows me and knows how close we are so i know people understand what im like in some sense but i just feel like im not able to grieve properly. His gf fell asleep behind wheel. Grief is a stressor.In intense physical/emotional stressfull situations,you can have blood in your sweat like the Lord Jesus in the garden of gethsemany (hematohidrosis).It’s because it’s your little one.A part of a parent dies when the child dies first!You weren’t able to say goodbye (no closure) and no adequate support (the RN. His doctor just thought he was prone to them even though he had had a problem with them before. Catherine Romero May 28, 2019 at 2:31 pm Reply. The town that I live by is less then 200 people. This August his brother took his life. Iâm tired, nauseous, I canât sleep. Public visitation will be held from 4:00 P.M. until 7:00 P.M. on Monday, January 25, at Herman-Taylor Funeral Home. This is like a warm death. I’ve learned that grief is an entity all it’s own and people aren’t really equipped to deal with it and I may never truly get to grieve the way I want to and someone is always going to feel I’m being selfish when I take a weekend to do nothing. Rene' December 28, 2018 at 3:00 pm Reply. I needed to be careful not to isolate myself too much . Luna February 28, 2020 at 5:37 am Reply, I lost my dad and my grandad within a few weeks in september 2019. Nancy Newman-clouse September 10, 2019 at 4:33 pm Reply. This is unimaginable. He didn’t want to, she had been asking me why he didn’t contact her and didn’t he care? We were only 16 months apart, so I feel like I lost all of my childhood memories. This is a horrible decision we should never have to make. A subordinate of mine who I’ve had personality conflicts with for over a year went to my boss because I left a corrective note to her and her feelings were hurt by my “tone”. So went to dr and got signed off. I took care of her for the last seven years as her health worsened. My prayers are with everyone who has lost a loved one! So many things I wanted to say!!! Iâm up all night till morning come. Just the same, I was always fearful of the day when I would be all alone without them and so I tried to be with them as much as I could. Hugs to you too. He was born with mild brain damage and mild cerebral palsy. I lost my mother just over three months ago. A totally different grief I know, but awful to go through non the less. I had to stay in a women’s hostel for 2 weeks before I managed to get a restraining order and have him evicted from the house and me back in the house. We want to normalize these somatic experiences and encourage you NOT TO PANIC if you experience them. I find that is the most common place it lingers, sometimes it was for days, but now at least it’s only hours. To have her so far away and sick goes against every my instinct. Then I blew out the candle, took it out, and ate the brownie. Only a few of my very large family helped me with financial support. Before I lost her, I was an atheist who never thought anything about God or the afterlife. You? Everything seemed to be going fine and everything just changed rapidly. Sounds like a repeat story, but I lost my only sister recently to Parkinson’s. One day at a time, kyle December 21, 2018 at 9:53 pm Reply. My mom passed away March 5 2019 Iâm truly heart broken in I feel isolated n secluded I deal with my aniexty and depression on my own I have no one to talk to this holiday season has me all emotional I canât talk to my dad because I donât wanna make him feel sad I have aching bones I donât know if itâs my degenerate back problems or arthritis or grief I ache all over and I have heart pains can u really die of a broken heart? I have three older kids and was so excited about this pregnancy. I hope this website provides you with even an ounce of comfort… We are here for you. I keep on thinking about the things that won’t happen like my mom being at my wedding some day or the fact that my moms dream doll house that she was going to build for her far away “future grandchildren” will never be built. Heâs not here, but his spirit is. It’s been a very rough year and I haven’t wanted to deal with the holidays but I have to for my 3 girls. So I lost 2 at the same time. My whole body hurts, I never was sick before, when I see my family doctor, they can’t find nothing really wrong, but I have lots of headaches, loss of appetite can’t sleep to well and most of the time a very upset stomach. Sally February 17, 2019 at 2:11 pm Reply. And I wonder if he thought I didn’t love him anymore. Gillies Funeral Chapel took care of my mother-in-law's funeral and burial and were fantastic. We always told each other we loved each other. My mind was like a sponge for weeks. I don´t sleep, when I do it´s only for a few minutes, and I have nightmares. I am tired all the time, break into tears over nothing, feel weak, dizzy, forgetful. I feel like should I go at people â why are you laughing donât you know Iâve just lost my dad and husband!! Heidi Kobulnicky April 7, 2020 at 3:06 pm Reply. Even 2 1/2 years later. Two years ago I also lost a very important person, who I was a couple with for 10 years, and who had been in my life for almost 20 years. Made me realize I was not alone. I hope your physical AND mental/emotional pain abates much more quickly than is my experience. And, Caitlin, it does get better. Mike enjoyed spending time with his wife and dogs, loved having his kids and grandkids visit and spent his free time fixing things in his garage. I loved her more than anything I'll ever know. I had not quit and by the time I was 41, I was diagnosed of COPD. So I live a state away now from the herbalist and plan to drive or fly out there in two weeks. I lost my Daddy Jan 31st of 2019 (this year). Eleanor Haley September 11, 2019 at 11:37 am Reply. My partner had to leave yesterday for a week and I am alone with Loki and Jake with a huge hole left for Thor. I am exhausted all the time. The grief is not very pleasant but it is certainly better than the alternative. It has only been 1 day since she passed away but still and because of us being in isolation. As time passes, I hope you begin to heal. It’s very hard, but we must trust with Faith that everything went as it was supposed to. Susie Sunshine is the other me she has been my alter ego for a long time now. I’m trying so hard to be strong and I’m still going to school and smiling and laughing with everyone including my mom. Grief but also worked full time job and seem to come live with him.! Your courage to love mercy, right just left me to take amytriptyline my whole 18 years.. From a brain tumor he is the only person that could truly understand me until 7:00 on... 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